On Sex

You can’t talk about money without talking about sex.

The second major problem that I believe we are facing in our generation today is the problem of sex.

I know what you are thinking. Sex is not a problem. It’s great.

First of all, I wouldn’t know anything about that. Really. I’m a 38 year old you know what, and neutral about it. I’m not going to lie and say I’m proud of it, but I’m certainly not ashamed because of it.

I just haven’t found the right man yet, and I believe with all of my heart that sex was meant purely (no pun intended) within the context of a marriage between one man and one woman.

And herein lies the problem.

Consider sex today. It comes in a variety of forms: premarital, extra marital, hetero, homo, porno, sex alone, sex in groups, sex with kids, sex with objects, watching sex, having sex, dreams about sex, jokes about it, swinging sex, and sex in ways I’ve never even heard of.

A suburban group of mostly mom nurses I work with had a sex toy party. People talk about sex in the morning, they discuss it at night, they dress it up and try to make it respectable, or they keep it raunchy and x rated. Depending on the mood. Depending on the audience. Depending on the weather. Depending on God knows what.

The pornography business is estimated to be at 2-4 billion in annual sales. That’s a lot. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. It’s addicting, and it’s anonymous.

And although according to Barna 4 out of 5 born again Christians believe pornography is wrong and on the same level of adultery, the numbers prove that Christians struggle with this same addiction with sex as those who do not claim to have a divine morality.

Check these facts:

• A 2003 survey from Internet Filter Review reported that 47 percent of Christians admit pornography is a major problem in their homes.

• An internet survey conducted by Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in 2002 found 30 percent of 6,000 pastors had viewed internet porn in the last 30 days.

• A Christianity Today Leadership Survey in 2001 reported 37 percent of pastors have viewed internet porn.

• Family Safe Media reports 53 percent of men belonging to the Christian organization Promise Keepers visit porn sites every week.

• One in seven calls to Focus on the Family’s Pastoral Care Hotline is related to internet pornography.

• Today’s Christian Woman in 2003 found that one in six women, including Christians, struggles with pornography addiction.

I mainly pick on pornography because this is a Christian Blog and frankly, I think that this is where Christians get caught up in sex. It’s anonymous – as long as no one catches you – and you don’t have to leave the respectable comfort of your own suburban home to participate, and you can schedule it around bible studies and church attendance.

But sex regardless of its form and fashion, if practiced outside of marriage between a man and a woman is not how God intended for humans to enjoy it. It’s not complicated. In fact, I probably don’t have to do much convincing to show you that God has a little bit to say on this matter (see “words to live by under news events for Scriptures about immorality and purity).

Now before you start blaming God for not getting your basic human needs and desires met, let me remind you of some of the reasons God is right and you are wrong. Here are a few side effects of stepping outside of God’s idea for sex:

Sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancies, guilt, shame, broken marriages, broken families, broken lives, an unsatisfying sex life within the context of marriage, and feeling separated from God.

The list goes on. If you are practicing a life of immorality in any form or fashion, of course you’ve already realized by now that you’re not alone. It is becoming culturally acceptable and favorable to participate in many activities that at one time shamed us to mention. And believe me I know the struggle. Everywhere you look, you’re faced with it: the television, billboards, books, magazines, the internet, the radio, even this blog focusing on the topic of sex for a day may be a stumbling block for you, and for that I am deeply sorry.

But there is a way to change. Christ offers freedom from bondage and addictions no matter their weight. How can you get there, you may wonder?

Here are a few tips:

• Admit your problem. I’m not talking about just agreeing that you enjoy sex outside of the context of marriage. But agree with God that your behavior is wrong (I John 1:9-10).  I have to insert a small caveat here: the desire for a life of purity is possible but hard for anyone outside of a relationship with Christ. The first step to even desiring a pure lifestyle is to come into a relationship with a Holy God through Jesus Christ on the cross. See “Know Christ” tab on this website’s menu for more information on how to become a Christian.

• Confess your sin. There is first a vertical confession. Only God can forgive your sin, but I believe that confessing your sin to 1-2 trustworthy Christians is key to freedom (James 5:16).

• Change your ways. It’s great to realize you are wrong and to confess it, but a second key part of this is to forsake your old ways. Proverbs 28:13 is a great verse to consider.

• Accountability is key. Again, find a couple of trustworthy Christians to whom you can share your struggle with. Set up a means to call them when you are feeling the temptation to go down a sinful path. If you can’t think of anyone who fits that bill, find a sex addiction group at a Bible believing church. Celebrate recovery is a great group to look up.

• Computer filters. You’ve got to get them. The internet is the fastest way to a sex addiction. Protect yourself from the continuous assault of the enemy. I love “safe eyes” for a computer filter. It’s worth the $50 a year. I don’t know how a Christian can live without this.

• Run. I Corinthians 6:18 and II Timothy 2:22 are to be taken seriously. Run away from sin, and run fast. Find out your pattern of falling into sin, and set up specific barriers to keep from falling. I know exactly when my mind starts wandering where it shouldn’t and I have learned the hard way that the best way to avoid sin is to get off that road EARLY!

• Pray. God gives strength when you ask. Pray. Pray. Pray. He will meet you where you are struggling. Hebrews 4:14-16.

• Read and memorize Scripture. Get rid of the filth, and replace it with Godly thoughts. Romans 12:1-2, and Colossians 3:1-11 are helpful.

But what about my innate sex drive, you may be wondering to yourself? Doesn’t God know that He’s the one who wired me this way? I am a man (or a woman) and have certain needs?

Listen to me, and listen to me loud and clear. God knows your needs. He did make you this way, and someday He means for you to enjoy that drive with the man or woman He has planned for you. His promises are trustworthy.

Don’t ruin things with your own ignorance and obstinacy.

Can’t you just taste the freedom that comes with a life that is free from shame and sin?

It’s possible. Believe me. It’s possible.

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