On Anger

The ER was bursting at the seams. My shift should have been over an hour ago, but I wanted to help. Pick up the easy patients. Turn them over quickly. I scanned the list of waiting patients and found the right one: 8 mo girl with a minor head injury and abrasions. How hard could that be? She was triaged as a level 4, so I had her entire visit planned at 3 minutes and 26 seconds.

I walked to the triage area where the mom and dad were sitting with their baby. She was a beautiful little girl full of smiles. Easy. But then I glanced a little bit closer and saw her face. It was full of bruises. She was bruised on her forehead – both sides, and her nose was purple. She was bruised on her cheeks and around her eyes.

The mother’s eyes were red and tear filled. “What happened?” I asked. They went on to explain. The girl had been at daycare all day. They were on their way to pick her up when the daycare called to notify them of a situation. The daycare director heard the little girl crying, went over to the other room where the girl was, and found a 2 year old by sitting on top of her with a toy in each hand hitting the baby on her face again and again and again.

I was incredulous. A 2 year old boy did this? I wondered. How could that be? The daycare worker was in the waiting room, crying as well, devastated by the knowledge that the child protective team would have to investigate and that the daycare would temporarily be closed, devastated by the situation itself.

Everyone was a mess. Except for the baby who was now in the loving arms of her parents, smiling, laughing, and certain that the bruises would heal.

Anger is my fourth topic on my list of most common problems we face today. We are living in a society where 2 year old kids are hitting 8 month old babies without remorse or an understanding of wrongdoing.

Maybe you don’t agree, and you think I’m making hasty conclusions. Would it change your mind if I listed for you the hundreds of other toddlers I’ve taken care of over the decade of my career in the ER, toddlers whose chief complaint is “aggressive behavior”, toddlers whose parents cannot control, and who are regularly placed on medication to calm them down?

“Your perspective is skewed”, you’re probably thinking.

What about the driver behind you yesterday, the one who angrily motioned at you when you didn’t move fast enough? And how about the gal at the grocery store who ripped that bag out of your hand? Or think about Black Friday sales, where people are regularly attacking each other for the sake of getting that free DS?

I could go on and on with examples. Anger is at the heart of our culture. Violence is being shoved down our throats without mercy. We won’t watch X rated movies, but we don’t have a problem with the men and women on the big screen who are punching each other and killing each other, and taking joy in doing it. And don’t get me started with the video game world.

Anger and violence may often start in the heart of a 2 year old boy hitting an innocent 8 month old baby, but eventually ripple out to touch every single one of us.

Some Christian literalist, and believe me, I’m a Christian literalist – but some would say that anger in of itself is not so bad. It is a healthy God given emotion to guard us against sin. I dare you to tell me 3 situations where that kind of righteous anger was displayed in your interactions with people.

For the most part, the anger that we see in our society is wrongly rooted, and wrongly diverted, and wrongly executed. It is far from righteous and it hurts.

I’ve heard it taught that at the root of anger is one of two basic emotions: hurt and misplaced expectations.

I agree with that. You want the toy. The other kid in the room has it first. You’re disappointed, and your expectations have to be changed. You get angry.

You have rights, and they’ve been compromised. We’ve all been there.

You get the picture. Anger is mostly wrong and leads to severe consequences. No matter its root cause, anger sinfully played out is sin. Don’t call it by any other name. Don’t justify it, don’t excuse it. Admit that your kicking the cat because you were hurt at work is plain and old fashioned wrong.

So what can you do about it? And what does God say is the antidote to anger? Does the Word of God give any practical solutions to anger? Of course it does, and I’m going to give you some basic pointers in that direction.

1. Accept the Love of God. There is no freedom from anger without an understanding of perfect love. Jesus Christ is the perfect picture of love. He died for your sins – including your anger. Make that leap of faith and put your trust in Him. Romans 10:13 says “whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved”. That means you too!

2. Forgive quickly. You cannot forgive others until you understand the power of forgiveness in your life. Forgiveness is God’s antidote for anger. Matthew 5:21-26 is a great passage for you to read!

3. Face the real issues. Galatians 5:13-26. Admit where you are wrong. Commit to living out God’s love in your life. Ask others to point out areas of anger in your life and determine to change.

4. Die to self, live to God. That is the secret to living the Christian life. You are not your own. God’s spirit is living in you. This is a daily act of worship to God. Do it. Galatians 2:20.

5. Break the stronghold. Maybe you’ve tried to gain some victory over this area in your life in the past and you’ve failed. Anger has become a stronghold for you. It’s not hopeless. You can change. Reject the lies that you’ve convinced yourself of, and replace your mind with truth. Lies sound something like this: “he deserved it”, “I can’t help it”, “it’s genetic”, “I’m better than I used to be”. Stop covering up your failure, and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. II Corinthians 10:3-7

6. Replace anger with kindness. Easy, right? When you feel angry, stop and regroup, then think of an act of kindness to do instead. It works every time! Ephesians 4:31-32 is great.

7. Deal with anger on a daily basis. Anger will pop its ugly head in your life every single day. Never assume the battle is over. Be on guard. If you fall, get back up. And close out the deal daily. So many great men and women of God have quoted Ephesians 4:26 as a basic life principle to live by. Do not go to bed angry. Deal with the issues on a daily basis.

As I finish this blog I can’t help but think about the 2 year old boy hitting that 8 month old baby in the face without mercy or remorse. What caused him to act that way? Is it something he sees regularly in his home? Is it how his parents treat him? And what will become of him in 10 and 20 years?

Jump off the cycle of anger. It’s not too late.

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