Love and Marriage

I’m going to take the spotlight off of my dating plight today, and turn your attention to love and marriage instead.

Last week I heard of yet another marriage, supposedly Christian, that is now crumbling. I was shocked. To external appearances, this couple has it all. They are both extremely attractive, intelligent, and seemingly in love. They have two beautiful and seemingly well adjusted children. They have good jobs, they make good money, and they have many equally beautiful friends with whom they regularly socialize with.

Yet the wife claims to have had it. She claims that the husband’s temper is too steep, that she is tired of the marriage, and wants out.

No, I’m not talking about your marriage – in case you’re reading this and assuming you’re it – but I’ve found in recent times that this story is not uncommon, that many seemingly happy couples are in fact quite unhappy the moment the door to their homes closes for the evening.

And for the life of me, I don’t understand why. Singles spend entire decades looking for that one perfect guy. Some eventually get lucky and find him. They get the obligatory roll in the hay, which at first seems like fun, and then purgatory begins.

Or at least you’d think so from the sound of it.

What is wrong with marriages today? Or is it just Christian marriages that seem to take the greatest hit? There are the obvious issues that come up. We’ve grown up hearing about them.

1. The fall of man. You’ve heard this before. Adam fell, the curse came, God told Adam and Eve – and you and me in the process – that men would struggle with leadership and women with usurping the leadership in the home. This is huge.

2. Satan’s Attack. I’m not being weird talking about Satan. I’m telling you the truth. Marriage between a man and a woman is the picture of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the church. Satan wants to destroy it at all cost, particularly Christian marriages. Be sober. Watch out.

3. Wrong expectations. Bottom line is that Hollywood has impacted our way of thinking. Everything looks rosy and pretty on the big screen, but life isn’t always so perfect and clean, is it? Further, Hollywood ends with they fall in love, get married, and the end. No on really gets to see much of the infamous happily ever after.

So what if you’re married and feel like you’re struggling? Your husband is too passive, your wife too strong. The romance is gone. You haven’t touched your spouse in months. You want out.

Stop!! So much is at stake. It’s not just about you and your spouse. There is an unseen battle going on for your home, and you’ve got to do everything you can to protect it – and not just to set a better example for us single folks who are hesitant to proceed into marriage because of your poor example.

I have a friend at work, a non practicing catholic, who’s been married to the same guy for 10 years, and they’re still caught making out at work parties. They are in love. Their life hasn’t been easy. Family problems, check. Infertility issues, check. Financial stresses, check. Special needs child, check. They’ve faced every form of stress you can imagine, but they still love and respect one another. How do they do it, I asked her? Here’s what she said: develop a friendship with your spouse and when you fight, don’t attack the person, deal with the problem instead.

That’s great advice.

God has some pretty great advice too, if you ask me. Just look into I Peter 3:1-7 and to Ephesians 5:22-33.

1. Husbands: love your wives. I mean really love them. Stop just saying it, and do it for a change. Find out what your wife loves and do it. If it’s gifts, give them. If it’s touch, do it. If it’s a word of encouragement, say it. If it’s help around the house, get off the couch and do it. Love her for Christ’s sake. After all, remember that He loves us even when we don’t deserve it or know it.

2. Wives: submit to your husband in respect – just as you would Christ. Whoa, wait a second, Lina….we thought you would understand. You’re talking about submission…that’s easy for you to say, miss single for life. Gals, listen to me, I’m not saying it, God is. You can’t pick and choose what God says. Wives, submit to your husbands. Give in to them. Be agreeable. Stop being contentious. Respect them. I know it’s not easy, that’s why I’m not married. But you are, and you’ve got your family to think of, and your God to obey. If you’re not a Christian, do what you want, and bear the consequences, but if you claim Christ as your Savior, isn’t it time to do what He says?

3. Stop comparing. You may think Betty’s husband is kinder, and does more around the house, but you may be wrong. After all, we thought your marriage was perfect. It’s not. Don’t be fooled by appearances. Be content with what you have.

4. Don’t stop now. What if Christ dealt with us with the same patience – or impatience – that you deal with your spouse? What if Christ abandoned us the moment we stopped listening to Him? Don’t stop now. There is too much at stake.

God is love. His commitment to His church is marriage.

Love and marriage. That’s God’s specialty. There is no marriage He cannot heal. There is no hurt He cannot remove. There is no person He cannot change.

Why not start with you?

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