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Some days I can’t stand Gary Chapman and his five love languages.
Some days I wish I’d never heard of “Words of Affirmation” as a love language.
It used to be that love was simply just love. But thanks to Gary we now have rules for expressing and receiving love.
And it turns out my love category is “words of affirmation.”
You want me to know I’m loved? Tell me how great I am. You want me to feel the love? No, don’t waste another cent on that gift. Simply tell me how amazing I did.
It sounds silly even as I write it. Words of affirmation? After all, who doesn’t want them? Isn’t it every person’s love language?
Maybe you’re a mom and have given up a great career to take care of the kids. All you really want is for your husband to notice and say something.
Maybe you’re working your butt off for a boss that’s quick to criticize but short on affirmation.
Or maybe your job is like mine, often in the limelight and surrounded by people, clearly basking in accolades so why in the world would I need to blog a post on words of affirmation? (Um….not!)
The truth is that when it comes to being told “atta girl” every one of us falls on the short end of that scale. And for every word of affirmation we forget, there are about 20 words of criticism and destruction that we take with us to the grave.
Do you find yourself waiting for the accolades only to be faced with discontented silence? Here are four thoughts for you to consider while you wait for your “atta girl”:
1. As long as you wait for accolades, that’s all you’ll ever get. Listen up: you will either get your reward here on earth or in eternity. Matthew 6:1 says “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.” That’s not to say that you will never get any accolades here on earth, but it’s a reminder to keep a broader more eternal perspective!
2. As long as you wait for accolades you won’t ever make a lasting impact. One of the problems with feeling unappreciated is that the chip on your shoulder will eventually get too big for you to continue making an impact on others. If your main goal in service is to hear “atta girl” and don’t, you will eventually limit your impact by quitting your area of service or doing it with a grudge. Choose to expand your impact by making others more important than yourself!
3. As long as you wait for accolades you will remain in the land of defeat and discouragement. Unfortunately one of the side effects of pouring yourself out for others and not hearing “atta girl” in return is that you will undoubtedly be tempted to be discouraged. Don’t fall in the trap of self pity! God always sees every little thing you do. In Matthew 25:31-40 Jesus reminds us that every little act of kindness and love that we do in His name is done as if to Him. Remember that next time you fold another pair of shorts!
4. As long as you wait for accolades you will not be following the example of Jesus. Jesus spent three years of his life healing the sick, raising the lame, freeing the oppressed, and feeding the hungry, among a million other miracles. We can count on one hand the number of times he was thanked out loud. But one thing we do know and it’s the fact that God the Father was well pleased in Him. Wanna be like Jesus? Make God the ultimate one you’re aiming to please.
Tempted to give me an “atta girl” after reading this post? The odds are you already did! I’ve received more “atta girl”‘s than I can count in the last few days and love every one of them! Still feel compelled to pat me on the back? Go right ahead and do it in the comments section. I won’t complain:)
