Christian Communication 101

Christians love to tell other Christians what ought to be.

If I got a nickel for every bit of advice that I’ve been given I’d get rid of my 401 k.

Over the years of growing up in church I’ve accumulated a breadth of experience and knowledge in Christian Communication.

Want to tell another Christian what’s wrong with him? Learn the fool proof way to do so without risking an adequate response by applying these principles.

Want to share your opinions without worrying about an answer? Easy…Simply choose one of the five techniques I’ve gleaned over the years and email me or your money back guaranteed.

Here are my Five Easy Methods to Effective Christian Communication:

1. The Prayer Method. You don’t have to have a lot of experience in prayer to apply this method. Any Christian can pray. Use the proactive approach and volunteer to lead the prayer time. Dads – this is a great way to let your wife and kids know exactly what you’re thinking. Meal prayer time is a great time to lecture those around you. The only response you’ll hear is the one you want: Amen!

2. The God Told me to Tell you Method. There are no awkward conversations when you bring God in the mix. After all, nobody can argue with God. It doesn’t matter how hard or embarrassing the situation, get the courage to share your thoughts with anyone in your church – but don’t forget to remind them that God told you to tell them. They will be too shocked to answer.

3. The Umbrella of Love Method. Anything goes when love is in the mix. Start this conversation by letting your fellow Christian know how much you love him eor her. Love covers a multitude of sins, including any opinion you may have on any topic. You may get a hug after using this technique!

4. The WWJD Method. Are you short on time and scriptural ammunition to correct your fellow Christian? No problem. Just demand an answer to this question: What would Jesus do? What you’re really implying is that there is no way on earth Jesus would be caught dead acting in the stupidly ignorant way your christian brother is acting. If you’re really rushed, simply say WWJD. You will get no answers, guaranteed!

5. The Stumbling Block Method. Last but not least, use this technique when all else fails. Every Christian wants to avoid tripping up another Christian. Capitalize on this idea by pointing out to your brother that his behavior will simply be the doom of your faith. Done. No easier way to communicate your disdain than pulling the stumbling block card.

There you have it. Five easy to use techniques for communicating with those difficult Christians in your life.

Are you ready to pick your favorite?

Warning: This post is written purely in the satirical format and comments will only be accepted if understood in that context! And always remember: it’s not just how you say it but also what you say that matters!

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