May 23, 2011 with 20 Comments

348.

Christians and Porn

Porn is bad. Everybody knows it. Yet Christians find themselves naively addicted to it at an alarmingly increasing rate.

Pornography is one of Satan’s greatest tools against Christians and he will do everything in his power to keep the truth about it from coming out.

Pornography is deadly, it is silent, and it affects more Christian men and women than we’d like to believe. You can enjoy it alone in the dark of your house after everyone has gone to bed and still look respectable on monday morning.

I won’t spend any time analyzing whether pornography is wrong. It is. There is nothing natural about it. It is one of the ugliest forms of sin known to man. I also won’t spend much time giving you statistics about the prevalence of pornography among men and women. We all know someone who has been enslaved by it.

I believe there are 4 things that go through the mind of a Christian who is enslaved to pornography. Perhaps you’ve thought one of these things before.

  • No one will ever find out. Wrong. Someone always finds out. I don’t care how well you think you’ve covered your tracks, Your sin will always find you out. Heed the warning before it’s too late.
  • No one will ever get hurt. You can’t play with fire and expect not to get burned. Pornography takes many casualties in its path of destruction.  It may be your wife, or your kid, or maybe even the people you work with and minister to. Don’t believe the lie that this is just about you.
  • I can stop at any time. No you can’t, or you would have already. Trying to control pornography is like trying to control a broken dam. Not only is it impossible but it also picks up intensity with time. So stop justifying it, analyzing it, and talking about it. It’s already out of your control.
  • It’s not that big a deal. Yes, it is. It’s a huge deal. It separates you from God. It alienates you from others. Stop telling yourself that you’re not as bad as the other guy.  Stop telling yourself that God will understand, that he’s responsible because he hasn’t provided for your need. You are telling yourself a lie. Satan has you exactly where he wants you to be: ineffective and useless for Christ. It’s a big deal.

So are you ready to quit lying to yourself? Are you ready to change?

Here are 5 steps you need to overcoming the sin of pornography.

  • Cut it off. If your eye offends you pluck it out. Drastic times demand drastic measures. If the internet is your downfall, get rid of it. If it’s movies, stop your netflix subscription. If it’s books, delete the ibooks off your ipad. Do whatever it takes to absolutely and completely get rid of the offending agent. There is no other way.
  • Tell someone. Accountability is key to gaining freedom. It’s generally harder to watch porn with one of your bible study friends. If you don’t have any trustworthy friends try a program like setting captives free where you will be assigned a mentor to hold you accountable. Friends don’t let friends watch porn.
  • Get into a real relationship. One of the worst aspects of porn is that it separates you from real people and puts you in an imaginary world of people who will never meet your need in any lasting way. When you remove porn from your life, it’s easy to feel lonely and isolated. The only way to overcome this is through Godly relationships. Join a church and small group and do life with someone.
  • Be alert. Satan brings in temptation where you least expect it. I have internet filters on all my computers, but I’ve found that that’s sadly not enough. I’ve had to erase youtube off my iphone and ibooks off my iPad because it’s impossible to place filters on them.
  • Fast and pray. Getting free is serious business and you can only win this one through the power of the Holy Spirit. I am praying right now that God opens your eyes and breaks the bonds that are holding you captive. God is more than willing to help you with this. Ask him.

I know what you’re thinking. Why do it? Why give up something that feels so good? There are so many reasons, but I’ll focus on these 4 benefits of giving up porn.

  • God’s voice will sound louder.
  • God’s presence will feel nearer.
  • God’s word will be clearer.
  • God’s way will seem easier.

Aren’t you tired of temporary victory over sin? Aren’t you tired of the cycle of short victory intermingled with long periods of sin?  Do you wonder if God will even grant you mercy one more time?

He will. He always keeps his promises. His faithfulness reaches to the clouds and his mercy is never ending.

This is a battle you can’t afford to lose.

Will you  fight it with everything you’ve got?

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  • Lin

    Interesting how no one commented on this topic. Hmm…
    My 4th grade son got into pornography inadvertently. We had just gotten into computers. Remember the first Macs? We had not activated any parental controls n figured pop ups were not as prevalent so we didn’t give it a second thought. My 10yo did an innocent search on something and many of those porn sites have innocent address names. My son clicked on one and in short period of time was hooked. A ten year old hooked on porn!!! By Gods grace n through a well-written book for preteens n teens n lots of prayer n godly small group leaders in my son’s life, his stolen innocence has been somewhat restored. With that said I recoginze the addictive quality of porn. In curiosity like my son I too began to explore wanting to understand what the attraction was. Pornography speaks to our unregenerated nature n totally takes what God has made beautiful into something depraved. Sex is a gift from God to be shared with your spouse but Satan has twisted it n turned it upside down n calls it sexual freedom. Child pornagraphy is the worst. That I couldn’t bring myself to watch. This silent sin destroys the possible intimacy between a man n wife in marriage. Pornography taints future relationship in marriage if you are not married. Pornagraphy deadens the ecstasy n intimacy of sexual union between a man n his wife.
    Lina you give excellent exhortations n I hope the silence of your blog readers is an indication that they’ve never delved into pornagraphy of any kind.
    These types of topics are needed to be explored n blogged to bring light into the darkness n exposed for what it is.

  • Amber

    Wow, very good blog! I will be praying for anyone that is dealing with this. So they can listen to the sound of God calling them home.

  • Heather

    Thanks for the good word Lina! If you struggle in this area, there is abundant hope and freedom in Christ for you! For readers in the chicago area, contact the Harvest Bible Chapel Rolling Meadows FOCIS ministry. There are men’s and women’s purity groups where God is radically changing lives.

  • Gina

    This is a big deal.and it is wrong. My childhood bestfriends husband was watching that on their computer. Sadly her son is an ace on the computer. Tried to hide it manipulate the the computer.She found out told me about it.and we took care of it.I spoke to her son.the reasons why its wrong.and that he needs to use his gift with computers in a positive way.and if I found out he he did it again.I would kick his butt.verbally. her husband. He says he is a Christian. Sometimes I wonder. Im starting to judge so ill stop.if he doesn’t clean his act up I don’t care that he is 6″2. I just know I can take him if he hurts her with that garbage.

  • Gina

    What I don’t understand is.why people feel the need to watch that? My bestfriend is beautiful with 2 beautiful kids.That should be enough. He is playing with fire with that.

    • lina

      Great question Gina. I think there are 4 kinds of Christians that get addicted to pornography:
      1. The rebellious Christian says I don’t want or care God’s ways. Is he really a believer or simply very hardened?
      2. The discouraged Christian says I’m frustrated and disappointed with God’s ways.
      3. The impatient Christian says I’m tired of waiting on God and His ways.
      4. The curious Christian says I wonder what this is all about, and next thing you know, he’s addicted. You can also call him the naive or the ignorant Christian. Some things you can’t even be curious about.

      I’m sure there are other reasons. Bottom line – the longer you refuse God’s ways the less you hear God’s voice.
      4.

  • Gina

    Thanks Lina. The sad thing is I know my Bestfriend. I lost everything as you know.I spent a week with them.and they as a family brought me back to God.im honestly trying to give him a chance.He is a Christian. He has a good heart.but I feel he is rebellious. On that note im going to call her . Her name is Christian. Have a positive Day!

  • E-Dub

    Lina, you always bring up valid life topics and have good insights on them. Today’s entry really fuels my desire to start a blog similar to yours, except from a men’s perspective on life. There’s a lot I would like to comment on this topic, but don’t know if I can remember all since I’m doing it on my phone. Ha ha. Having said that, yes I completely agree. Your sin WILL find you out. And while it may be in the form of another person, I think that sometimes your sin finding you out comes in the form of future consequences. For example, I think a lot of men tend to think that its okay to view pornography when theyre single, but once they marry it has to stop. I think those people are definitely in for a rude awakening. Rather than their sin finding them out, I think they will find out about their sin. The hard way—-meaning the impact of their attitude n behavior when they were single on their marriage relationship. I agree that part of the problem is that people don’t think it’s that big deal. We live in a society where everything is so “fast.” Immediate gratification, immediate consequences. Outta sight, out of mind. If we don’t see an immediate negative that will come as a result, it can’t be that bad. The Bible talks about generational sin, and I think that is something that is very evident even today. Just look at things such as alcoholism and drug addiction. It often times runs in families. While I don’t think I was ever addicted to pornography, I definitely struggled with it in various times of my life. Two things happened that helped me gain victory in this area: 1. I got caught. Sometimes, if your sin doesn’t find you out, your SISTER will find you out. I distinctly recall an incident about seven years ago where I got busted cold by my sister while i was viewing pornography. Not one word was ever exchanged between the two of us about it. Can you say, “Awwwww—–kward?” She was definitely surprised, and didn’t know what to do. So she turned around and walked away. I thought for sure I was gonna feel the wrath of older sister come down but I never did. Thankfully for me, that pretty much scared me straight after that. 2. I like to call it “Security Lockdown.” My pride took a big blow a few years ago when, after having lived on my own for a few years and not having that be an issue at all, I realized i had to have filters on both my computers. Even if pornography wasn’t an issue, it was still important for me to take sin seriously and recognize that it could become a problem very quickly.

    • E-Dub

      Failure to put filters on my computers would just be playing with fire. Like a ticking time bomb, it would only be a matter of time till something blew up. Often times I think Christian men and women fail to realize the importance and urgency of protective and preventative spiritual measures. It is somehow easier, in our minds, to put out the same fire over and over and over again, rather than sit down and take the time and effort to implement fire prevention. I didn’t want to put filters on my computer because I felt that that would admit that I am weak. Well the truth is I AM weak. In any period of victory from pornography, however short or long that may be, living without filters was a deceiving sense of greater spiritual strength than was really there. There’s nothing weak about implementing protective measures for sin. My heart was deeply grieved and disappointed for a fellow Christian brother of mine this past year. When I questioned him on why he did not have any filters on his tv, computer, or phone he basically told me he didnt because it wasn’t a problem. My immediate thought was, “yeah it’s not a problem…now.” I think that is an example of failing to be alert, and watchful and mindful as the Bible commands. I will also add that I think part of the reason some, not all, men (and women) Get addicted to pornography is because they don’t know how, or feel like they cannot engage in a real relationship. That is definitely a tough place to be.

      • lina

        i love your comments e-dub. get going on a blog – man’s point of view. need it!! you share some amazing tips and insight. if you’re reading my comment, go back up and read E-dubs. i love the story about your sister. God is so merciful in how he gets our attention. love it. thanks again.

      • E-Dub

        Gina, I want to throw out a few things that might help bring a little more understanding to this issue. While I would agree that a lot of what fuels pornography addiction is physical attraction/lust, I think the greater underlying issues still lie in the non-physical. The fact that the percentage of women struggling with pornography is catching up to men, I think, is evidence of that. Countless numbers of people have been, in one form or another, told that they are not good enough. Whether that be from a significant other, a spouse, a family member, or even a total stranger. It could be about anything from their physical body or strength, to their personality, to even the way that they talk. All that negative just drives the desire and need to be affirmed positively. To “prove” to yourself that you are worthy, you are lovable, for one reason or more. That type of relational affirmation and fulfillment can be accomplished, albeit in a wrong way, through viewing pornography. Or maybe I should say it is believed to be accomplished that way. Speaking from personal experience, when I reflect back on some of my own thought processes when I engaged in pornography, it’s actually quite eye-opening. While there may have been hurt and discouragement that helped bring it on in a particular instance, there was definitely also a lot of pride, too. Look at what I was doing (and I would venture to say most, if not all, people that have viewed pornography have thought). You basically visually shop around on the Internet for something you want. As you browse, you come across “items” you like, and items you don’t like. If and when you find something you do like, you continue shopping until you find something better. This is not that much different than, let’s say when you are shopping for a car, a pair of shoes, or clothing. The problem with this is not so much the feeling of perpetual discontentment. The real problem is that the “shopper”, which is you, is never at fault. What you want is always the right thing. What you choose is always the wisest choice. There is no one to tell you that what you’re looking for and desiring is questionable. You are your own god. You are perfect. You are flawless. There’s nothing wrong with you. And that’s why you can continue to shop if you don’t find something you like. Because YOU don’t have to change. Everybody else does. You don’t have to work hard to make yourself look attractive. Somebody else does. You’re not the one that has difficulty showing love in the “proper” way. Everybody else has to cater to your method of receiving it. Everybody in cyberspace has to measure up to YOUR standards. You NEVER have to measure up to anyone else’s. You are not wrong, and you can do no wrong. That is the ultimate lie and deception.

        • E-Dub

          I use a filtering software called Covenant Eyes (www.covenanteyes.com). It is based off of the scripture Job 31:1. It costs about $10 a month, And is probably one of the wisest $10 I spend on a regular basis. Not only can you block sites, but it also sends a very detailed report of your internet activity to people that you designate. One of the unexpected blessings that has come as a result of implementing this system is that my personal hobbies, interests, and even money spending habits are revealed in part or in full. Even the amount of time I spend online is tracked. The reports show trends, like what sites I visit the most, and even the time of day that has the highest amount of internet activity. I will say that having that out there (even to people i designate) definitely makes me think twice about what I spend my time online with and even how I spend my money. Two resources that are easily and often poorly squandered by single Christians. Sadly, I have found that some Christians, who only wrestle with it “once in a while” refuse to mplement a filter unless they can find a free one. Personally I think the stuff that is necessary are the ones that cost money. The benefits far outweigh the monetary cost, but unfortunately many refuse because they think the problem is “not that bad” to warrant paying. The real reality is if they don’t pay now to have it, they will DEFINITELY pay later for not.

          • ramzi

            no offense, but covenant eyyes sounds useless. I think that porn is bad, but those sites,even ones that charge you are utterly useless. I mean really they area tracking the time you are online? And they charge you? Please…

  • Milo

    Thanks for tackling one of the most needed topics of our day. you did it well. It is truly an addiction and is very destructive.

    • E-Dub

      Ramzi, how come you think they’re useless?

      • ramzi

        they are useless, there is always a way around them. If you want to sin, you are going to sin and waste your $10. Might as well save the expense.

        • Lin

          at work, i have to park in a multileveled parking garage. I drive a manual transmission car which i love to coast wherever i can; in other words hypermiling. My usual time to leave work, there are very few employees leaving but I still apply the break coming down the ramps just to be safe. One night last week, I left at a time when nobody was around so I HYPERMILED and flew through the parking garage! It was exhilarating! Until I saw the security guard running towards the exit gate and as I left the garage he vehemently shouted: SLOW DOWN!!! I was so embarrassed and ashamed for choosing to disregard the “Drive slow” signs n speed bumps within the parking garage. I couldn’t shake the feeling of shame and guilt.
          I had forgotten about the security cameras.

          That’s when I was reminded of Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by SO GREAT A CLOUD OF WITNESSES, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

          bros/sisters…we are being WATCHED!!!

          if we need to pay $10 to help us remember that we are being watched then do it. Whatever it takes to hold us accountable.

          Next day at work, security guards seemed to be following me everywhere i went! It was unnerving. But I thank God for giving me that experience as a vivid reminder that i am indeed being watched. You are too!

          • ramzi

            hi my friend,
            you want do right even if your not being watched. Yes…there is real value to do this to stop porn in its own right. Forget about the service.

            ps. hypermilling sounds neat

  • Gina

    E-dub great insight.ramzi,Lin as well!

  • TJ Finlay

    Lina,
    Appreciate your heart on this issue. We’ve been in this battle now for about 10 years at Harvest (as you appear to know). But I wanted to also let you know about Disciples for Purity. We are an outgrowth ministry of the Men’s Purity Group at Harvest. We are also Ministry Partners with Harvest Bible Fellowship. Check out our site at http://www.disciplesforpurity.wordpress.com and see what God is doing in this growing ministry!