Choose your Baggage

Everyone’s got baggage.

I’ve got some, you’ve got some, and the guy you’re dating certainly has some too.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve had a similar conversation with some of my girl friends:  a girl starts dating a guy – yes, it happens every lunar eclipse or so, and the relationship moves to the point of decision.

Do I keep dating him, or do I run?

It’s a great question, and one that is easier to answer if you are not the person actually in the dating relationship. And though I realize that I’m speaking to a minority of my readers today, your mother is praying that the day will come when you will need this post. So, go ahead and print it and save it in your bedside drawer until then.

The following is a list of the baggage that you will need to choose from when deciding who to keep on dating:

1. Financial Baggage. Women never think financial baggage is a big deal during the dating phase of a relationship, but ask any married woman – money matters. I am likely bursting your bubble as to my romantic inclinations, but I am a pragmatist by nature and need to be blunt about this. If the guy can’t support you financially while you’re dating, he won’t be able to support you in marriage. If he’s going through foreclosure now – you may want to wait a little before you jump on that train. Then again, you could win the lottery and everything will be ok. 

2. Past Relationship Baggage. I recently joined an online dating service, and am reaffirmed in the reality that if you’re over 35 and trying to date, the odds are that there will be an ex involved.  The truth is that when you choose to date someone with an ex, you’re choosing to date someone with an ex. Enough said. This will have a greater impact if there is a kid involved. My favorite eharmony match was with a guy  that had an ex wife and by the way 4 daughters. That baggage was way too heavy for me on that trip. Then again, I have weak biceps. 

3. Family Baggage. You’ve heard it said before: you’re not just marrying the guy, you’re marrying his family. Truer words have never been said. Study the family. Picture yourself in their home at your favorite holiday. Spend some time with the mother. If you can’t picture it, lose the bag. Life’s too short to try to stuff a big bag in a small overhead bin, and unfortunately, this is not a bag you can check in and forget about.

4. Sexual Baggage. If you’re looking at dating from a christian world view, then you’ve got to be honest about your sexual baggage. Everyone carries sexual baggage, no matter how long you’ve been a Christian. If the guy’s addicted to porn now, he likely will struggle with it after marriage.  If he’s had a history of extensive sexual promiscuity prior to coming to Christ, you need too know it. It’s not as hard as it sounds. FInd out what’s in the suitcase and ask yourself if you’re strong enough to carry it. Are you?

5. Church Baggage. This category may surprise you, but it’s necessary for the serious Christian to consider. I’m guessing you joined your church because of what it stands for. I’m guessing you’ve remained in your church because you like it. If your preference is towards a large church with hand raising worship and you’re dating a man who prefers a home church with hymnals, one of you is going to be sorely disappointed before the first lay off. As you consider the contents of this bag, consider which values you can’t go without, and which you don’t mind leaving behind. Anyone who’s packed a bag with a weight limit knows that this one is not as easy as it sounds.

Here’s what I do know: you can’t travel anywhere good without a suitcase.

The question  you’ve got to answer is which bag will you take and how will you fill it?

Either way, enjoy the flight and remember that ultimately, you won’t get anywhere without a good pilot.

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