May 25, 2011 with 17 Comments

350.

Dating Insights

Ask any single person in the world.

Dating is hard work.

In the last 6 months I’ve had 2 and a half dates which pretty much makes me an expert in my neck of the woods. Eat your hearts out girls.

But I consider myself a sort of social philanthropist, and as such, I thought I’d take a moment today and share with you my insight into dating.

When considering the dating world, here are some basic categories of dates that you’ll likely encounter.

1. The Blind Date. There isn’t a single person in the world who doesn’t secretly want to be set up on any date, including a blind date. There’s also not a single person in the world who won’t tell you a horror story related to a blind date. My last date, and one of the two aforementioned dates of the last 3 months was a blind date. I’m not sure where I realized that we weren’t a match made in heaven, but it may have happened halfway through dinner when he informed me that he was in the process of moving to Arizona. Cynara buddy.

2. The Rebound Date. Everyone needs a rebound date. You’ve just severed the cord of a long and agonizing relationship. What better way to affirm yourself than to go out with someone, anyone, who doesn’t remind you of him. If you’re a Christian girl, watch out. The single Christian guy always ends up ahead on this one. It’s a statistics thing, nothing personal. So the next question after you find out if the guy has a job is to ask him when he got out of his last  relationship and hope he doesn’t say…yesterday!?

3. The Internet Date. Confession time again. My second date of the aforementioned was an internet date, my only internet date of the last decade. I knew we had a problem, houston, when the guy who showed up was at least an entire foot shorter than the guy on the profile page. The internet date is dangerous folks. Save yourself the trouble and move from the virtual to the face to face after no more than 2 email conversations. Don’t second guess this rule. It will save you lots of headaches later.

4. The Missionary Date. This one is my favorite. You meet a guy that is nothing like you, least of all in the area of faith. But not to worry, mother, because I’m on a mission for Jesus. So you drag him to church and you keep him from you know what, until he finally says “uncle, I’m in the Jesus ship for real”. Be careful, girls, be careful.

5. The Friend Date. Ah! We finally get to the dreaded 1/2 of the aforementioned 2 and a half dates. We had exactly three conversations – voicemail to voicemail – followed by a fourth live one when I inadvertently picked up the phone. And here’s what he said: “This should be easy. Just think of me as your new best friend.” Buddy, I oversee a women’s ministry of over 1000 friends, I don’t need a best friend, no matter how cute you are. I need a man.

That’s all I got for you today. I’m not jaded. I’m not bitter.

I’m just dateless in Chicago.

 

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  • Gina

    Ok im seriously on the floor laughing.because we have all had those kinds of dates. My main man is the lord Will always be.So, the other Guy is going to need to step it up so to speak.

  • Gina

    Sadly my phone is always with me pretty consistently. Does that count as a date?! Lol otherwise you’ve been on more dates.Stay dry!!!

  • http://Z Milo

    You are leading an adventurous life when I thought you were working hard and doing women’s ministry Hopeand pray your next date will be a mature man who is also mature in the Lord. We have a moving service called two and a half men. Any interest?

  • Jen Thorman

    Lina – this post cracked me up! Tomorrow will be Phil and my 6 month anniversary but I LOVE to read about dating! Probably because I had a range of good to bad to WEIRD dates before I met my amazing hubby and I love to read about other people’s!

    Couple of thoughts….

    Phil and I met online and I loved it! (Chirstianmingle.com if you’re interested ;) ) I liked it because you can really get to the heart of a guy when he only has so much space to sum up his whole life. He BETTER be talking about Jesus or he’s off the table! Phil and I both had these super long profiles about who we are in Christ and who we were looking for (imagine us going on and on). We chatted online a whole month before he asked for my number and talked on the phone another whole month before our first date. At the time, I thought this was unbearably long…BUT we had the best first date ever! We already knew a lot about each other and the conversation really flowed.

    Second thought – whoever you marry should become your best friend so that guy wasn’t super far off. Probably a little too much too soon, but still – something to consider!

    Thanks for your blog! I so enjoy reading it every day!!! :) Jen

  • Amber

    Lina, that is so very true every bit of it! I just got out of a relationship that was very deep (we were talking of getting married). God has given me this great peace and I just find myself falling more in love with him every day. Their is not a day that I can’t get enough of God’s word. I’m pray for the guy that will love my family in their crazy nest and love me for me. God has answer so many of my prayers over the years. My saying is: A Women should be so in love with God that any man that whats her needs to seek God. That is my goal, to be so in love with my heavenly father. My mend-tour said to me that we as women should get are relationship with God right. He will give us that date that will last a life time.

  • Gina

    Hi,Amber! I love what you said! My main Man is and will always be GOD . He will answer us with that.I definitely have the faith.

  • Amber

    Hi Gina,
    I totally do belive God will anwers us! I also love what you said about God being are only man. :-)

  • E-Dub

    Lina, you always seem to amuse me while simultaneously getting me to think. I will comment on #’s 1-5 in order:

    1. I feel like I have been on a blind date before, but can’t seem to remember. Which makes me think that I probably haven’t then. And for sure, I don’t have any horror stories. Unfortunately, those seem to be constantly reserved for single female friends of mine. I think I’ve been on a pseudo-blind group date. By that I mean I went to a gathering of friends with a specific person that was designated (by my friends) in advance for me to meet. Nothing ever went anywhere. The blind date concept is sort of a love/love-less (vs. love/hate) relationship. You love the idea that people who care about you want to set you up. But you love the idea less when you find your friends (usually married ones) are starting to slack in their selection process criteria. They go from trying to find someone who will complement your personality well to, “hey I have this friend…and she’s—-single and breathing…and I thought you guys would be a good match because—–well—–you’re single and breathing, too.” Never worded that way, but more or less the idea that’s conveyed. I find that amusing—-to a point. Ha.

    2. Rebound—-bad news. Not wise, and definitely not healthy. I like to encourage a healthy time cushion between dating/relationships. It’s hard to put a time number on it, though (i.e. how long in between) because every relationship is different and every person is wired differently. One person can be very emotionally involved after a month long relationship whereas another person wouldn’t. I say the best way to gauge if you’re rebounding or not is to NOT actively pursue a relationship after you’ve gotten out of one. To the point where you will be equally content in Christ if He doesn’t show any signs of another relationship on your immediate horizon. Only you will know if that’s true.

    3. Sorry to hear you experienced such deception. While it is “just physical” it indicates a greater underlying concern (i.e. integrity, his own physical insecurities, etc.). While I agree the internet can be risky/dangerous, I think it can be executed in a healthy and successful manner. I have had a few positive experiences, despite no marriage in sight. Haha. I will acknowledge, though, that internet dating is much different for a woman than a man. I think it’s alot easier for a guy to have good internet dating experience than a woman. Generally, there aren’t as many weird and creepy women out there as there are the same kind of men. Don’t know about the 2 email conversation rule though. Maybe if they’re two 8 page emails. ;) I met someone online once, and we emailed/instant messaged every day for 3 weeks straight before she felt comfortable providing her phone number to talk. For valid reasons too. While I personally wouldn’t have wanted to wait as long to talk, I understood why and wanted to respect her for that.

    4. I always cringe whenever I hear of a missionary dating relationship going on with someone I know. There’s always gonna be that “X” factor regarding the unsaved half of the relationship. If they do make that commitment to Christ, how can you ever be confident of their motives for doing so. Is it for Christ? Or for the other person? Or for both? For ones that do get converted and end up in marriage——I say they’re extremely lucky, and should be giving thanks every day till their blue in the face. God’s grace extended in a huge way. When it happens, I think it’s a rare blessing. But definitely not a recommended practice.

    5. I agree that in a relationship the other person, in a variety of ways, should be perceived as a new best friend. Or at least, as you continue to pursue each other, you should be asking yourself, “Can I see them as being/becoming/remaining my best friend for life?” I cringe, not so much at the part of requesting you perceive him as your new best friend, but at the “this should be easy” part. Don’t minimize the befriending process. He makes you sound like a task to be quickly (and easily) accomplished, trophy to be won, goal to be achieved, etc. Good thing you kabashed that one.

    I believe God is going to blow you away. Why? Because you’re not a single woman, sitting around going, “Woe is me. Why am I still single? Where is the guy God is supposed to drop in my lap? Wah, wah, wah…” You’re busy using your time and resources for Him. And He knows that, sees that, and remembers that. These things (i.e. women’s ministry, blog, etc.) are part of the storing up treasures in heaven thing. I always used to say “Keep busy with the kingdom of God.” I believe that when we’re busy “worrying” about the kingdom of God, He’s even busier preparing that other person for us—–as well as preparing us simultaneously. It’s a win-win situation.

    Jen Thorman, what’s up???!!! Wanted to give you a shout out, fellow Israel trip pal. Hope you and Phil are doing well. Wondering who this is? Shaun’s roommate in Israel (don’t give away my name). ;)

    And now it’s time for me to sign off and get to bed. Good night!

    • Jen Thorman

      E-Dub!!!!! Hey! It’s been a LONG time!!! I enjoyed reading your insights to dating. These are good. Thanks for the shout out! Hope to run into you again, friend!! :)

  • ramzi

    the challenge for you is not going to be getting a date. I think the real focus (which is much more humbling and less humorous), is keeping the relationship intact. That will not be something you should blog about, but pray and be humble about. Humor is good, it keeps the body young.

    ps. Edub are you interested in discipling me? I need a spiritual guide

    • E-Dub

      Ramzi, I don’t know what to say. I am extremely humbled by the idea. I would be interested in the idea of meeting up with you sometime to chat. I can have Lina give you my contact information.

      • ramzi

        no thank you bro.

        I think I read 1/10th of one of your posts, and know nothing else about you. you really think I was serious?

        • ramzi

          1/10 of 1 post…not posts. In other words, I didn’t have enough interest to go on. Sorry, I know lina will be upset.

    • ramzi

      i’ll tell you what edub.

      If you can come up with evidence for your faith, I will let you be my spiritual guide.

      I personally could not find evidence. That is why I am here and you are there. But if you can show me wrong, I would be happy to listen to you. Then I would let you be my spiritual guide.

      • E-Dub

        Ramzi, I did not know if you were being serious with your response. I know from experience that its easy to misconstrue typed messages. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. So in your case I erred on the side of taking you seriously. I dont know much about you either, other than I met you briefly a couple yrs ago and that you are close to lina. Personally, that is enough for me to be willing to chat, but I dont necessarily expect the same from others.If you are interested in dialoguing maybe we can get in contact directly through lina. I prefer not to use her blog as a primary form of communication. Im not sure if you are looking for a particular type of evidence (i.e. scientific proof vs. personal testimony/experience, or both). But I would be happy to share with you some of my thoughts and experiences about my faith.

        • ramzi

          Thanks Edub. I’m going to respectfully deline, but appreciate it. I don’t remember meeting you.

          I would be much more impressed with christians who show Christlike characters. I think you have plenty of opportunites to do that here, which is all I can ask for!

  • Gina

    E-dub just reread what you said. Interesting .im so go to sleep.