September 20, 2011 with 16 Comments

437.

Lessons from Online Dating

A few weeks ago I joined a new dating site in my attempt to find true love.

I believe every single woman who joins a dating site is secretly waiting for the CEO of a book store to show up and sweep her off her feet to live happily ever after on his house boat.

Online dating has its pros and cons, but it certainly is a far cry from the world of Tom and Meg in You’ve got Mail.

I got my first taste of online dating several years ago when I was introduced to Neil Clark Warren by no less than my mother. Forty minutes later I developed an online profile that has continued to haunt me until today no matter how many times I’ve tried to change it.

And though I’ve developed some pretty strong opinions over time in regards to Neil’s ability to shuck away more than a share of my lifetime earnings, I remain single and open minded to the breadth of online dating possibilities.

Which brings me to my latest foray into the world of cyber dating via Christian mingle. This time the introduction is credited not to my mother – who has since her earlier attempts given up on any form of matching me up with anyone both online or otherwise – but to the Dallas Fort Worth airport. As I stood in line for mouth watering barbeque, my eyes were riveted onto a large billboard ad for this said unapologetic online dating site.

Some things are only possible in Texas so I assumed that my dreams could become my reality in the great state of Texas. After all, how could a girl go wrong while wiping barbeque sauce off her chin?

Anyway, I digress. Eighty three dollars and a few weeks later my inbox is full of new possibilities while the only thing I truly miss is the smell of real Texas barbeque.

Today, in an attempt to remain authentic and open with you, my faithful and well meaning readers, I thought I’d give you an update on my dating life by summarizing the top 10 lessons I’ve gleaned from my most recent adventure in internet dating. I know many of you still hold on to the notion that I will, in a sick twist of irony, some day meet my perfect match thru Neil Clark Warren himself, but until then, I hope these lessons will do.

1. Money can’t buy you love.

2. You can’t shop for a man online like you do for shoes.

3. You get out of it as much as you put into it.

4. Talking about dating and actually dating are 2 completely different things.

5. Dating is never easy. Don’t let the word “online” fool you.

6. Eighty three dollars don’t mean nothing if you never hit reply.

7. There is a time for every single girl who wants to date to get out of the fantasy and live the reality.

8. There are a lot of single guys out there.

9. Many of them go to my church.

10. Like it or not, picture’s worth a thousand words.

11. At the end of the day, it’s probably not the dating site that’s the problem.

Well, there you go. Got any advice for me today? Go ahead and dump it on me. I can take it.

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  • Milo

    god is the best matchmaker.

  • Gina

    morning. for me its the approach the words one says to try and get a date. I agree with Milo.cuz it makes sense. happened Tues. :)

  • Jen Thorman

    It’s God who will bring two people together, and online sites are one avenue He can definitely use! I didn’t have any success on eHarmony, but met my hubby on Christian Mingle! The thing that made a difference was that we both wrote very detailed profiles about who we were and what we were looking for. It was clear that the Lord was first for both of us. I have another friend who met his wife on Christian Mingle so I give it two thumbs up :) Not to say it’s a cure all – but I think it can be a good thing if you’re open to it.

    • Lina

      Jen- you may yet convince me! You have the radiance of the Lord and the glow of love on your face!!
      I still have about 5 weeks. Anything can happen!! I better start hitting reply more often!

      • Amber

        LOL

  • Sharon

    I know what you’re saying, Lina. I’ve been on CM for a while now. I got nuthin’! Just wasted a great deal of time looking at profiles. I did hit reply several times, but…it is what it is. I’ve met some great people, but not anyone worth sticking around. I’ve recently stopped all the on-line dating stuff. God will have to have him on my proverbial doorstep. I’m ok with it though and finding other ways in which to do spend my time. If he shows up along the way, well then, lucky me!!!

    • lina

      Sharon!! I miss you so! wish you were swinging by on tuesday nights. believe me, the way I see it, if God can’t provide a guy, I’m pretty much outta luck, so I’ll go with the show up on my stoop method too!

  • Betsy Langmade

    Start back at square one –
    1. Call your mother
    2. Tell her you love her
    3. Tell her you trust her
    4. Ask her to arrange your marriage

    Not kidding. No one knows you like your momma. I really believe in arranged marriages. My kids don’t agree. Will you?

    • lina

      hahahaha that is the best advice i’ve gotten and if you’re reading this blog and are young and single and not cynical enough to have given up on dating yet, LISTEN TO BETSY’S ADVICE!!! I should have back when i was 10.

      oh well. my momma pretty much has given up on me. she’s putting it all on God now. Come on, milo. gimme another chance…

    • Amber

      Ok, the last time my mom set me up the guy dumped me over the phone the day we where to do dinner. I think I would have better luck with my best friend setting me up. But thanks, I hope it works out for your kids :-)

  • E-Dub

    I met a couple people on Christian Mingle a few years back. Nothing ever came of it relationally, but I remain friends with them now (one has since gotten married). I’m currently in a relationship with someone I met on Christian Cafe (go figure we both met during a free trial period where we both “weren’t looking” haha). It’s been 8 months now, and has its challenges since we’re a few hours away from each other. I’ll let you know how it goes. ;) While we’re not married yet, I thought I’d share with you as an encouragement. In addition to Jen, I have Christian friends that have met and gotten married on other sites (Eharmony, Match), so don’t be too down in the doldrums.

    Sharon, regarding the comment you made about wasting alot of time reading profiles. I once thought the same. But upon later reflection, I don’t believe it was a waste of time. Even reading through “pointless” profiles has its benefits in that it can/may solidify that which you thought were your non-negotiables. Likewise, reading something in someone else’s profile may also cause you to realize that something you always thought you would not budge on might become something you’re open to.

    While this did not happen via the online dating scene, an example of this happened to me regarding women with children. For most of my life, I always said, “No, no way. Not ever anyone with kids. It’s too much for me.” But having since dated someone with a child, I can no longer say, “No, not ever.” It’s still not my preference, but it’s no longer an absolute. It really depended on the foundational faith of the mother, not the scenario itself. And that made all the difference. Prior to that experience, I had known/seen many single mothers who, in retrospect, I think were not as grounded in their walk with Christ. And I confused that with the fact that they had a child. Hope that makes sense. Didn’t wanna get/spark an off topic.

    I agree with Jen. I put alot of time into answering my profile questions, and came straight out with certain non-negotiables (ie. theological stuff, etc.). You sort of get out what you put in.

    Yes, it is tiring and time consuming to read through profiles (been there done that). But you can’t expect to just log in, (even if you’ve spent a ton of time on your own profile), and quickly and effortlessly find “the one” without at least investing time to sift through a list and read to find that diamond in the ruff.

    I took a time away for a couple years from the online thing until my “free trial” earlier this year. I was glad to be done with it, but didn’t regret spending time and money on it. I learned alot about myself through the seemingly wasted time. Realized I’m not as confident about certain things as I thought I was, and also that I have grown/changed in areas I didn’t realize.

    • lina

      way to go e-dub. you are almost a success story. haha.

  • Tom Derrico

    I would like the opportunity to talk to you! :)

    • Amber

      Oh, you real want to talk to Lina? Well you will need to go throw some 411 before that can happen :-)

  • Amber

    Well to start where are all these single guys that go to your church? I have done all of the online dating site there are and I’m still single but the thing is I’m happy where God has me in my life. I could not have picked a better plan for my life. If I do get married one day God will be their and blessing every part of it. I’m still learning so much that he just is not ready for me to step in that part of my life. Why are we as women in this mind sit that we need to be married by 30? Why not just put all that time you are using on the online date sites for God. Spend that time building a relationship with the one who made you and already loves you for you.

  • Gina

    amber your funny.you have a big heart. Night. Pray.,.
    !