How to Deal with Difficult People

We all have them in our life.

If you’re like me, you try to avoid them. You may even ignore them. But sooner or later, you will find yourself face to face with them.

Difficult people are everywhere. You may work for them, or you may be related to them. And chances are – you’ve already run into some of them this morning.

When I started working in the Emergency Department, I found that the sooner I learned how to manage the most difficult people that came through my triage door, the easier my shift would be. I also learned that difficult people are difficult for a reason. And I learned that more often than not, I was just as difficult as the difficult people in my life.

Today I’d like to give you 5 secrets to dealing with the difficult people in your life.

1. Listen to them. We all deserve to be heard. When you come across a difficult person, the first thing to do is to close your mouth and listen to what they are saying. Listen to their body language. Listen to their tone. What may initially sound like anger may in fact simply be worry or fear. Use your ears to listen first.

2. Validate their Feelings. Nothing helps a difficult person more than knowing that they are heard and understood. I’ve been there enough times. The best customer service reps I’ve dealt with are the ones who don’t interrupt me, and don’t blow me off, but rather, seem to understand why I feel the way I do – even if they don’t fully agree with me. A simple statement like “you’re right, I can see why you feel the way you do” will go a long ways to establishing rapport.

3. Give them good alternatives. The main thing a difficult person is looking for is a solution to the problem he or she is facing. Often the solution a difficult person wants is not available, but throw them a lifeline by showing that you are willing to meet them halfway. There are always 6 ways to skin a cat. Prove it by offering options in resolving conflict.

4. Put yourself in their Shoes. Try it the next time you’re faced with a difficult person – even if it’s your boss. Think about the pressures he/she is facing. Picture them at home, with their families. Imagine them opening up the mail and finding out their taxes have gone up more than they can afford to pay. Play out the scenario in your head, and you will be amazed at how much empathy you develop in an instance.

5. Ask yourself Why. Go beyond the obvious.  Ask probing questions to try and figure out what really is going on. I can think back on the times where I’ve been difficult, and 9 out of 10 times the real reason behind my frustration had nothing to do with the actual situation I was upset about in the moment.

We live in a time of turmoil and economic stress. Many people are burdened beyond belief. Our pace is faster than it ever was. It’s not hard to turn into a difficult person.

But there’s a better way: it’s the way of Love.

Try practicing it today with God’s help.

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