How to Resolve Interpersonal Conflict

It was her fault.

She wouldn’t listen to me. I was right. She was wrong. And so was her 12 y/o bratty daughter.

And no amount of her tears would change my mind.

I told myself not to react. I said: “Lina, you’re a professional”. But it was like my ears were blocked and my mouth was moving on its own.  The more she talked the louder I got. The more the kid cried the faster I talked.

If only I had stepped away from the moving vehicle.

Have you ever found yourself in a relational conflict that’s too big for you to handle? Have you ever woken up and wondered how in the world the pit got so deep? Have you ever wondered how you’d get yourself out of that mess without actually killing that person?

I know the feeling. I’ve been there – more than once. And it doesn’t matter if the difficult relationship is personal or professional, it ain’t pretty – ever.

I want to share with you some Biblical principles for resolving relationship conflict out of Luke 6:27-31. Here’s what it says: “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”

1. Give Undeserved Love. Anyone can appreciate a friend. Anyone can love a benefactor. The key to Biblical love is in extending it to the undeserved. When you do that, you are emulating the love that Christ has extended to us! Remember that love is an action verb. By doing good you show action love!

2. Speak words of Kindness. It’s like pouring water on fire. It puts it out. Kindness is love extended verbally to others. You may not feel like saying anything nice about that person who’s making your life miserable, but by God’s help you can. Speak love to others and that includes what you say and how you say it!

3. Pray for your Abuser. I already told you she was wrong. I already knew I was right. But in Christ’s eyes it doesn’t matter who’s right and who’s wrong. The key to Biblical love is to take the matter to God when you feel attacked. Don’t talk about it to your next door neighbor. Don’t blog about it (note to self for the future). Simply get on your knees and pray for those who abuse you!

4. Don’t Retaliate. The natural response to being smacked is to smack in return. But Jesus must have lacked that genetic reflex. Instead, He says that we are to offer our cheek to the one who strikes us. Wow. It may sound impossible but it’s not. Remember that Jesus also says “vengeance is mine I will repay.” You do what He says today, and He’ll keep His promises to you in the future. That’s what it means to walk by faith! Are you willing to do it?

5. Don’t be Passive Aggressive. Maybe you’re one of those folks. You never get in a fight, but that’s only because you stop calling that person. You stop going into that patient’s room. You “forget” to order the blood test. You know exactly what I’m talking about and it’s wrong. Not once in all of the Bible do you see Jesus being passive aggressive. Be direct. That’s God’s way for his followers! Proverbs says “the righteous are bold as a lion”. Act it.

6. Treat others Royally. Pamper those you don’t like, take great care of them, go out of your way to make them comfortable. Give them a back rub if you want. After all, that’s how you would treat yourself. I may be slightly exaggerating, but you get the point.

There’s one more thing I need to mention: Swallow your Pride! Pride is thinking you deserve more than you’ve been given. Pride is rooted in frustration that your personal rights have been compromised.

I walked back in the room with the test results. The mother had been right all along. I was wrong. And it was time to face the music.

I swallowed my pride and said the words I now really did mean.

I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me?

And she did.

Got any other thoughts on resolving interpersonal conflicts? Share your comments.

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