My Interview with Beth Moore

I recently interviewed the famous Bible teacher and author, Beth Moore.

In my dreams.

Here’s how the conversation went down.

Me: Beth – it’s great to see you again. I can’t believe you made the time for me.

Beth: Oh, it’s great to be with you. You know I’d do anything for you.

(wait, sorry…that’s not very believable..let me try that again!)

Me: So, Beth, what have you been doing with yourself since our last meeting?

Beth: Well, you know, this and that. I’ve written a couple of books, spoken to 896,000 women, videotaped 17 Bible studies, and blogged to 103,000 women in my community group. What about you Lina?

Me: Hehe, me? well, you know. I’ve been reading your tweets. Did anyone ever tell you your tweets sound like texts?

Beth: Oh, yes, people regularly say that. But I’m not complaining, I’ve got close to 40,000 followers now. You?

Me: mumble, mumble. Really, Beth, who really cares about followers…But I did notice you had over 4000 comments on a blog post you wrote last week. Any tips on how I can increase my blog comments?

Beth: Lina (she’s sadly shaking her head), have you ever asked yourself why they don’t comment on your posts? Did you really think anyone would read an interview you’re making up in your dreams? (although the real Beth Moore would just hug my neck and tell me to keep on trying, but this isn’t for real).

Me: Beth, seriously though, did you really read all 4000 comments? I mean, come on….even your girl Melissa has a limit on her reading capacity for the day!!

Beth: We strive for excellence my darling. Not only did I read them, but I know every one of them by name.

Me: Wow. This has me thinking – I may really need to work harder on saying so long to insecurity. Know any good books on the topic?

Beth: Listen siesta, don’t even go there. You know I’ve written the book and I’ve been killing myself trying to make an appearance at one of your Book Clubs. I heard Jerry Jenkins is coming this week. Jerry, Lina? Where’s the love? I’m not feeling it?

Me: I’ll keep that in mind for next year. Boy, Beth, I didn’t think you’d be so sensitive. By the way, your hair looks great. What’s all that talk about big hair?

Beth: Well, I’m from Texas darling. What do you expect?

Me: True, true. Speaking of fashion and hair, I noticed that you buy your shoes at Ross’s. Is that true?

Beth: I’m a Bible teacher. I never lie. Didn’t anyone ever teach you: it’s not where you shop but what you get that matters?

Me: Sure someone did. She also taught me to marry while I was in College. I haven’t always been a very good listener though. Got any dating tips for me?

Beth: Lina, for you, it’s gone beyond the point of tips. I’m gonna have to get on my knees for a while. But remember, where we see impossibilities God only sees opportunities.

Me: Gosh darn it, Beth, thanks. You know, tomorrow’s my birthday. Got any last minute surprises for me?

Beth: Lina, Lina. Of course I do. I thought I’d have you over to my house for dinner.

Then I woke up.

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