April 26, 2011 with 11 Comments

326.

Killer Marriage Tips

One of my favorite topics to write about is relationships.

Today I’m going to tackle some marital advice to all you married folks reading this blog.

Don’t have a conniption. I know I’m not married but I dish out advice on cancer, diabetes, fever and vomiting even though I’ve never been sick. I would also note that most of the advice I get on being single comes from married couples who honestly have absolutely no idea what being single at 40 in the internet era is like.

So there.

That and the fact that I’ve watched plenty of movies, read plenty of books, and pretty much know everything God has said about the topic makes me sort of your expert for the day.

If I were you I’d take a deep breath and keep reading. You may find that my unbiased unemotional observant approach may contain some measure of truth you may need to be reminded of.

Here goes nothing: My killer tips on maintaining a happy marriage.

1. Watch your words. It’s all in your words, or lack of them! Stop trying to win every single battle with your mouth. In fact, simply try not winning every single battle. You’ll be amazed how far yielding goes. And don’t confuse not answering with the silent treatment so many spouses have perfected. While we’re on the topic of words, lose these 2 words from your vocabulary: always and never. They don’t go anywhere good.

2. Drop your expectations. Every person comes into marriage with a set of expectations. These expectations may have been set by watching too many movies, reading too many books, or comparing life to your own upbringing. Your marriage is unique. Your spouse is exactly the man or woman God wanted you to marry. Drop the expectation baggage at the door and learn to love the one you’re with! While you’re at it, don’t expect your spouse to read your mind. Talk to him openly instead. Communication is key.

3. Get rid of the headache. Remember that touch is your man’s main love language. Let there be no confusion that when I use the word touch, I mean it very much in the R rated 3 letter word starting with the letter S way. (I did promise my dad I wouldn’t use the word sex in any of my posts for the next year, so you’ll have to just trust me on this one). Here’s a true fact: men touch, women hear. You get the picture. So guys get to talking and women get to touching. In other words, just do it. No pun intended. Oh, and stop waiting to get in the mood. Feelings are terrible leaders. Start acting and the feelings will follow. And this whole business about not being “in love” anymore? Grow up! Even “silly single me” can tell a sad argument when I hear one.

4. It’s not all about you. Love isn’t about what you get but how much you give. If you’re still blaming him for everything that’s ever gone wrong in your life, and if you still find yourself focused on the bad and forgetting the good, odds are you need a quick review of Basic Love 101. Love is sacrificial, patient, and kind. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t say it was easy. Why do you think I’m still single? But if you’re in it to win it, start by doing the little things that will show your spouse how much you love him. It will become more natural with time. It’s a little bit like the love Christ has shown you when He died for you on the cross. It cost him everything to prove his love to you. Do the same for the one you’ve married.

5. Don’t compare. In other words, stop looking at greener pastures. Think your facebook friends have it better than you? Don’t be fooled by the pretty pictures and beaming smiles. People are people and marriage is hard no matter who you’re married to (spoken like a women who’s been engaged twice!!). Think your single friends have it better? Ha. Think again. It’s a scary dating world out there. Your pasture may need some tender care, maybe even an expert lawn man (ie marriage counselor) but it’s your very own pasture that’s been given to you by God. Tend it, love it, and watch it bloom in years to come.

Listen, my mom always says: “Marriage is for mutual sanctification”. In other words, God has put your spouse in your life to make you more Christ like. Will you do it? Will you get on God’s marriage program? Will you follow His way in it?

Not bad coming from a single 30 something twice engaged dateless fool, right?!

Some great Bible Passages for you to read regarding marriage: Ephesians 5:22-33 and I Peter 3:1-7!

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  • Kina

    Good Morning! I really enjoyed reading your expertise on marriage regardless of your current status. It’s a good reminder and preparation info for us single people too. I agree with your comments. They’re the same kind of stuff Pastor James and Pastor Mark D. spoke about so I appreciate it being expressed again. I’m looking forward to the day that I can put these tips into practice with my future husband. Well, some of them I can put into practice in my general relationships. Communication is very important in all relationships! Thanks for steppin out on faith and sharing what God has shown you – regardless of your single status, age or dissolved engagements. God can use any of us for His good purpose. Many Blessings! Stay dry!

  • Emmilou

    Excellent.

  • Linda

    Lina- this is fantastic! I am impressed you got it all in 5 points. I have almost been married 27 yrs, and the ones I have struggled the most are 1 and 4! I was picking fights and tripping all over myself…..Pastor James preached a sermon including Proverbs 20:3 about it being an HONOR for a person to keep aloof from strife, and that FOOLS quarrel. Dave and I have been “aloofing each other” ever since. Haha, just another example of how applying scripture to your life REALLY DOES transform you! :)

  • Milo

    Good advice. Also read ICor 13:4-8″.

  • Gina Nechi

    Nicely said. Great 4 marriages,single people,friendships! Im proud of you that you put it all out there.it couldn’t have been said more perfectly! You Rock Doc!!! God has blessed you we’re lucky to have you @ Harvest.

  • Jennine G

    I think you hit the nail right on the head with these marriage points, Lina. I’ve been married for less than 2 years but can tell you I struggle with all these points from time to time. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!

  • Denise Archambault

    I got married when I was 19, and have been married now for 26 years (God KNEW I needed a lot of sanctification so He got at it early on), and I wouldn’t change a thing about your post – better than good advice, it’s God advice. I wish I had known these things at the start – but in any event I am so grateful that God loves marriage as He does and refuses to give up on tranforming them to reflect His own beauty.

  • E-Dub

    Bring it Lina.

  • Bonnie

    Thanks Lina! Keeping me up to speed :)

  • RAM

    Great post. Proof that you don’t have to be married to share wisdom on the subject. I will say that all these tips are much easier to do in theory than in actual practice. It’s just like parenting, you would think I was the female version of Dr. Dobson with all my parenting expertise. Then I remember I don’t actually have kids. If having kids is anything like getting married…then I’m going to be in sanctification overdrive.

  • Lisa Eklund

    Lina! Thank You. These are good words for every person to learn and live. I didn’t get married till later in life and I was hard core ingrained in the my way is the best way. I’ve had to learn a lot about the protection and provision of submission and checking my expectations.

    Every woman needs to practice this in one capacity or another (except for #3 of course)- being the bride of Christ is a position we all hold and reflecting Him through are words, actions and attitudes has influence and impact on all the men in our lives.

    Thanks again Lina-
    Lisa E