The Truth about Relational Conflict

I hate conflict in all of its forms, but lately it’s been following me like a fungus.

No matter where I turn, it seems to rear its ugly head. I see it in interactions with strangers, but more often than not, I see it with those I know and love best.

It usually leaves me defeated and discouraged. It makes me feel like a hypocrite.

I tell myself I’m going to change. I won’t try to squeeze in the last word. I will be nice. I tell myself all kinds of things I don’t do.

I contemplate locking myself up in a room until the fungus disappears. I imagine myself on a remote island somewhere with huge palm trees and a soft breeze blowing through my hair as I stare at a still blue horizon. But still, the turmoil within me threatens to boil over.

I almost give up.

The battle seems futile. I’m tired of losing.

The more I think about conflict, the more see that conflict was meant to be an opportunity instead of a stumbling block. Business gurus preach that very message. They tell us that conflict allows greater focus on the main issues. It brings teams together when handled delicately. It stimulates creative juices and can lead to huge success.

If you’re like me and have landed on the wrong side of relational conflict more often than you’d like, I’d like to share with you truths about relational conflict that I pray will give you hope:

• Conflict is sure to come. It’s how you react to conflict that matters.
• Conflict is one of God’s ways of growing your character. 
• God uses conflict to draw your attention to necessary change in your life.
• God forgives you when you fail because you will fail – repeatedly.
• God expects you to ultimately change through conflict.
• God is more patient than you think – more patient than any human ever is.

I’m so glad for that last one.

One of the most common funguses I treat is ringworm. I tell parents that in treating the lesions, they must apply the balm diligently and repeatedly onto the affected area twice a day sometimes for weeks. I also tell them to continue applying the balm onto the site of the lesion for 2 weeks after the lesion is gone.

Fungus is that hard to treat.

There is a balm that brings healing to relational conflict. It consists of 7 simple words. Don’t be fooled by the simplicity of those words. They are harder than they seem. Use them often. Use them freely. They may cost you everything, but will be worth every penny:

I am sorry. Will you please forgive me?

If you’re finding overcoming relational conflict more difficult than you expected, you’re in good company. But you’re in even better company if you’re committed to doing whatever is necessary to gain victory.

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