Rebel on the Inside

I’m a rebel on the inside.

I”m not proud of it, but I know one when I see one.

I ignored it for the longest time. I figured I could hide it. I thought no one noticed.

But I’m a rebel on the inside.

When everyone raises their hands to worship, I won’t. When everyone says they like the book, I can’t even read it. And when everyone wants pizza, I want a burger.

If I notice that someone has too many facebook friends, I’ll de-friend him. If I see that your twitter followers has exceeded the acceptable personal limit, I’m gonna be real tempted to eradicate you from my list.

Don’t get me wrong. You won’t pick up on my inner rebel right away. I’m polite and friendly when I need to be. I’m professional and intelligent when I want to be. I’m compassionate and caring when I have to be.

But look beyond the surface, and you’ll see: I’m a rebel on the inside.

I’m not proud of it. I feel bad about it. That’s why I’m writing about it.

For the longest time I thought it was cool. I thought it was cute. I got to be different without breaking the big bad rules. No drugs, no sex, no rock n roll. But I had my own way to be a rebel. I was a rebel on the inside.

God doesn’t think it’s cool. He cares about what’s on my inside. He thinks it’s hypocritical and two faced. And I’m ready to give it up.

I got busted recently. A friend mentioned that I was just being a rebel on the inside. I laughed.

Then I thought about it – for a while – and I realized she was right.

When the church got too big, I wanted to go to a small church. When everyone else was doing their Bible study in the morning, I started doing it at night. When folks went for prayer walks I gave up walking.

I was wrong.

I want to be who I seem. I want to do what is asked. I don’t want to be afraid of the crowd. I don’t want to worry about being sucked up in the vacuum of what those around me are doing, when those around me are doing right.

I want to be like Jesus, no matter how many others are doing the same.

I don’t want to be a rebel, on the inside or out. Because sooner or later what’s on the inside will become who I am on the outside. And that’s not ok.

See at the end of the day a rebel on the inside is simply just one thing: a rebel.

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